Well I order it, it arrived today and I finished it today. Yeah, I know I'm about 7-8 years too late on this bandwagon but when this book was released I was married and pregnant with my first child and really could not have cared less about what this book had to say.
An unfortunate fact since, had a cared and read the book at the time, I probably would have saved myself a LOT of heartache over the course of the last 7-8 years.
I'm not going to get into talking too much about a book that is old news. (I KNOW, I'm seriously late on the bandwagon). But as I was reading the book I started thinking...
There seems to be this general agreement that there are far more good women than there are good men. And that women just need to "be strong" and hold out for her "Prince Charming".
But what if that's a bunch of crap?
With all of the changes in society, the economy and the general roll of a woman over the last few decades, it's easy to make the argument that women are more evolved then men, and maybe we are. But have we evolved ourselves onto an impossibly high pedestal?
Do we now think so highly of ourselves and our Hollywood-induced concept of romance that we are our own worst enemy? Have we become big-headed and unnecessarily critical of men? Are WE the reason we are still single?
Or are we simply less tolerant of behavior we previously HAD to turn a blind eye to?
Let's put it this way: 50 years ago a woman depended on a man for survival. She depended on him to pay her bills and to buy her nice things. She HAD to be more tolerant of his behavior, her survival depended on it.
If he cheated or hit her or yelled at her, she turned a blind eye, wrote it off as having "had a bad day" and went about her business.
But what about now?
Now she is able to kick him out. She is able to be picky. She no longer depends on him or her survival, she only wants companionship and maybe a family. But honestly, in this day and age, a woman doesn't NEED a man to have a family. Just a clinic and his best swimmers.
And the general consensus is that this puts us women at an advantage. It puts us in a place where we can afford to hold out and wait for our "Prince Charming".
But I think this whole situation has a downside that we women, sitting up here on our highly evolved pedestals, seem to be overlooking.
It seems to me that we are becoming less and less tolerant of behavior that is simply the behavior of a human being and a MAN.
We get annoyed when we don't get wined and dined or when he checks out another woman. Or that he needs us to iron his shirt. We resent that he expects a cooked meal at the end of an exhausting work day.
We don't need them to take care of us anymore and we resent that they still needs us.
But that's just it. Women have evolved in a area that men have not, an area that men may never evolve in. But more than that, we women have become intolerant of behavior that is quite simply the behavior of a man.
We sit here on our pedestals and criticize men for being men. We don't try and understand them AS THEY ARE. Instead we compare them to our delusional concept of what we think a man should be.
Listen ladies, MEN ARE THE WAY THEY ARE. That's all. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Somehow men have this figured out far better than us women do. They KNOW we can be a little crazy, they know we overreact, get emotional and need romantic gestures that are not intrinsic to their God given behavior. They know this, they accept this and THEY LOVE US ANYWAY.
But not us women. Nope. We criticize them for "not evolving" and move through them like we change outfits simply because he did not meet our expectation of what we think a man should be like.
Am I saying you should put up with shitty behavior from a man? No. I am not.
But I am saying that we women need to start loving men for who they are, not some deluded concept of what we now think they should be.
It takes patience and tolerance to love a man. It's not a walk in the park. They do stupid things sometimes and need to be taken care of in ways we think they should have outgrown by now.
Then again, women are no walk in the park either!
But there is a difference between not tolerating bad and toxic behavior and simply being intolerant.
This may not be a popular idea but I think we, as women, are becoming intolerant. And not in a strong, kick-ass way. But in a biased, "my gender is better than yours" way.
Ladies, if you want a husband then expect to get a husband and everything that goes with it, whether it be good or bad. Don't expect a wife in husband clothing.
So my advice to anyone currently unhappy with the scarcity of "good men" is to start loving men for who they really are. Men are not the way they are because they are "unevolved". They are the way they are because they are MEN.
And, while we're at it, let's be honest with ourselves. If we REALLY didn't need men, then why the hell did this book end up a New York Times best-seller?
Want to read more on this topic? Try my post: An Open Letter To All Men
Haven't read the book yet? You can grab it here: