This is the point where I usually find myself wondering how and why someone who was supposed to care about me, treated me so poorly.
I feel victimized and empowered at the same time and seriously just want to kick some ass. Or burn something. Or yell at someone.
Except by this time I'm already so thoroughly exhausted from other other array of non-optimum emotions that I usually just push and anger aside and try and move on. Or at least move onto figuring out HOW to get over a breakup.
This time though, was different.
This time I starred the anger down and confronted it head on. Instead of just letting it simmer inside me, I was able to come to a resolution.
See, it does me no good to be angry at someone for treating me poorly. I mean, really. What good does it do?
There is a Buddist quote that says, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
In terms of breakup quotes, I think this one is pretty great. And how true that is! It really does no good to get mad. But what do you do instead?
Well, I had to take responsibility for what I did that got me there.
That's right. In order to figure out how to get over a breakup, I had to figure out how I got into such a relationship in the first place.
Sure it makes for good drama for an unsuspecting girl to meet a wonderful boy and, 1 year later, said boy goes all Jekyll and Hyde on her, leaving her devastated, angry and unable to understand what the hell happened.
But as dramatic as this sounds, it's not a very likely scenario.
More likely is that "unsuspecting girl" is really girl with low self esteem and "wonderful boy" has really been Mr. Hyde all along.
More likely is said boy has been treating her like crap from the beginning, maybe not to the extent of whatever crappiness brought the relationship to a halt, but like crap nevertheless.
And she just took it because somewhere deep down she never realized she deserved better.
Somewhere, sometime and on some level she agreed that it was OK for someone to treat her like crap. And so when Mr. Hyde arrived and treated her a little less like crap than the previous ones, she labeled him "Mr. Wonderful" and just took it.
I won't get into my whole journey here, as it is long and probably boring. But I will say that, while it takes two to send a relationship into the depths of hell; the only place I should be looking is within myself.
How can I blame someone else for treating me like crap when I basically started out saying, "Hey, it's OK to treat me like crap"?
Did I say it just like that? No.
But when you accept things you know are not right and when you accept treatment that is less than you deserve. When you make excuses for these things or start apologizing for what you did to make a person treat you this way then you are, in fact, saying, "Hey! It's OK to treat me like crap."
And when you start off a relationship just like that, how can you expect anything less than pure, unadulterated crap?
So now, lessons learned, I am back to number 1. Back to putting myself back together so that I think highly enough of myself to not settle for anything less than amazing.
The best part is, the more I look within myself and the more I evaluate what I want out of life for myself and others, the more I like myself. And the more I realize I would be absolutely crazy to ever settle for anything less than amazing again.
And THAT'S how I figured out how to get over a breakup.
Additional posts on relationships: He's Just Not That into You.
An Open Letter to All Men
Nothin' but Love